Ranbir and Alia are April-Fooling Us

All of us! That is what they think they are doing, but these days even your grandma knows what a PR-manufactured relationship is! What is fascinating this time with this PR-relationship is how strong they are going with this we-are-dating-please-believe-us narrative. Not just Alia Bhatt and Ranbir Kapoor, their whole family is in it to April-Fool us.

Who would have thought that April Fool will come this late?

So, the new trend it seems these days in Bollywood is to manufacture a PR-relationship a year before the film releases. Naturally, the made-up relationship will be between the main actor and actress. A journalist said that it’s just a practice to get started a year before so that by the time the film releases, this made-up relationship will supposedly be in full-swing. The PR-people think that this will help the release of the film and the media too will join in to contribute their side of things, like saying how these two are #couplegoals, #familygoals, #romancegoals, and all the other crappy goals they have promoted so far.

Yes, they are all on this. See, the media has no choice when it comes to matters like this. They have to abide by what these marketing people tell them to do, especially if there are big stars involved. If they decide to tell things like they are, these PR-people will blacklist those media houses. Blacklisted equates to no interviews with these stars and so on. It will more or less be a loss of money for these media houses. It’s why it is easier for them to just play the game. After all, they too have bills to pay.

So, what is it this time? Is ‘Dutt’ such a bad film that they have to resort to creating a fake romantic liaison for its lead actor to get people to the theatres to watch it? Is this what it is? Or are they already prepping for the release of Alia and Ranbir’s ‘Brahmastra’? Or is it a killing two birds with one stone thing?

Whatever it is, one thing is clear: they all don’t have confidence on Ranbir’s so-called exceptional talent! From mother to sister to his BFF, they are all making a khichdi so that Ranbir’s career can get back to his hit phase.

In a span of less than one week, there have been a variety of articles about Ranbir Kapoor and Alia Bhatt’s relationship. You know what also released this week? The trailer of Ranbir’s upcoming film ‘Dutt’!

It seems that the official #fakenews spreader on Ranbir and Alia is PinkVilla. Here are their efforts for dedicating the headlines of their homepage to this fakery! Wonder if Ranbir will still call them Sh!tVilla after this?

They didn’t even spare Ranbir’s ex, Deepika Padukone. Apparently, they are bestest of friends now and Ranbir already called her in advance to tell her the script of the Raymond and Aloo Paratha story.

The actor has been refreshingly candid about this relationship to family (read mother Neetu Singh Kapoor) and friends. A source close to Kapoor reveals that he even confided in former girlfriend Deepika Padukone about his relationship before making it official.

A common friend says “RK and Deepika continue to be close friends, and keep each other’s secrets. He told her about it and she was very happy for him and Alia. It’s rare to find such friendship between exes.”

If things were really as they say it is with these two, do you think Deepika would have done this:

So now, Deepika is a rare ex who keeps his secrets and Katrina is the villain! We are still figuring out whether Katrina is in on this or she is genuinely feeling this way:

Let’s wait and see if she gets offered movies from Dharma Productions, then we will know for sure. Btw, how long before Ranbir starts calling Katrina his BFF? Or will he still continue resenting her through blind items?

In this article, PV pretty much outed the steps to creating this PR-relationship. Here are the most interesting eye-opening quotes:

The source added, “The two took off to Bulgaria, first for a recce with Ayan and then later for the film’s shoot. Alia and Ranbir also spent New Year’s Eve in Bulgaria and Alia’s Instagram (photograph) was proof of their budding friendship.”

So you mean to say that Alia shared pictures of them together so that people would start believing this fake relationship? Are they talking about the picture below? Because it looks like she was more of announcing a threesome than a new romance!

 

Ranbir Kapoor and Alia Bhatt arrived together at Sonam Kapoor’s wedding reception sending the rumor mills abuzz about their relationship.

So, they purposely arrived together to get the media talking about their fake relationship? They forgot to mention these two planned outings as well:

 

Alia, while promoting Raazi deftly dodged questions about her equation with Ranbir Kapoor.

Why? So that Ranbir can give this fake dating exclusive interview to GQ magazine? By the way, they are referring to this headline:

 

Neetu Kapoor has been showing social media love to Alia Bhatt, often commenting on her posts on Instagram. Poor Alia, still a baby. Look at the way she is still practising kissing with her cat! Bechari!

Poor Neetu. At an age where she should be enjoying her life and playing with her grandkid, they have her supporting this fake relationship on social media. If this is not elderly abuse by KJo, we don’t know what is!

Rishi Kapoor also tweeted about being close to the Bhatt family recently.

This is the best that Rishi Kapoor could do to help his son’s career?

Yesterday, Ranbir Kapoor’s sister Riddhima Kapoor gifted a special bracelet to Alia.

Ranbir’s sister too got a boost deal for her business by KJo. She just had to spend a little first to get it:

A source, who has already placed an order for a similar bracelet, had all the details about its design and pricing. It’s a 14 carat gold and diamond bracelet with a semi-precious stone at its centre and its total cost is Rs 27,810. And you can pick the gem stone of your choice.

 

 

Before these articles in the media were out, Ranbir gave an exclusive interview to GQ India magazine. That’s how it all started. In this interview, he was asked directly if he is dating Alia Bhatt. Here’s the snippet:

It’s really new right now, and I don’t want to over speak. It needs time to breathe and it needs space.

Why does this sound familiar? It sounds something that was said about a dinosaur. Seriously! If we are not mistaken the same thing was said in Chris Pratt’s ‘Jurassic Park’.

As an actor, as a person, Alia is – what’s the right word? – flowing right now.

Take note of this, kids. It’s why you should not get high because when you do, everyone’s flowing to you!

When I see her work, when I see her act, even in life, what she gives is something that I’m aspiring to for myself. It’s new for us, so let it cook a bit.

See? Basically, he is confirming that Alia is fake because she acts both onscreen and offscreen. Then, he is also confirming that the relationship is PR-manufactured, which is why they need to let Karan Johar “cook” it more.

Ranbir’s answer to the next question proves that he wants to be the next Salman Khan! New person, everytime. How long does he plan to keep on dating?

It’s a new person, it comes with new beats.

Sounds like he got himself a new girlfriend and a DJ – two in one!

 

Old tricks become new tricks again – you know, being charming and romantic, all of that. I think I’m more balanced today. I value relationships more. I can appreciate hurt and what it does to a person much more than I could a couple years back.

Somewhere, Deepika is laughing her head off. Katrina is off to Mount Mary church to thank God that she is out of this mess of a man! Seriously though, he said the same thing when he was with Katrina. Then, he ditched her by packing his things and leaving their ‘love-nest’ on the sly while she was out of town! This was probably when he did it:

Speaking of Katrina, GQ was the same magazine where all her Ranbir is an A-Hole boyfriend quotes came out – that epic interview! The quote above is from that interview as well. Come to think of it, what kind of live-in boyfriend doesn’t know where his GF is?

 

By the way, this interview of Ranbir by GQ magazine is like a potpourri of all sorts of questions. It’s probably the first time we have seen interview questions that jump from one end to the other – all randomly.

 

The most WTH answer from Ranbir:

Arrey, just ask KJo. He will find them for you!

Is he that much on auto-pilot that he doesn’t realise what he is saying?

Ranbir is 35 years old and Alia is 25 years old, why is everyone in the media acting as if this is Ranbir’s first relationship? Like if this is his first and only! It wouldn’t have looked this bad if Ranbir did not look tired, uninterested and older than he actually is. Pretty sure, Alia, in private, is like:

As we are ending this really long post, we wonder whether anyone really cares if these two are dating or not? Do we care or are we being forced to care? Just know whether we like it or not, KJo is somewhere watching all this and reading all your comments like this:

How many of you bet he will start a new season of Koffee with Karan and force everyone to answer a gazillion questions on the Ranbir and Alia pairing?

• Rate Ranbir and Alia as a couple?
• To Ranbir: How is your sex life going? Did you get that thing that Aamir said you should get on last season of KWK?
• To Ranbir: Do you bring toys in the bedroom? Do you get to buy them at a discount at Toys”R”Us with Alia’s membership card?

Ranbir will blush with his unwashed face and Alia will blush too because she wore too much blush and they suddenly put all the lights on her. KJo might pee a little due to all this excitement. You all know how bedroom talks gets him?

 

AND…

Thank you all for reading!

 

We would like to apologise to all those, who requested this topic. We know we came in late on this one and we are aware of your other requests as well. It has been a crazy week, hopefully we will get to them soon. In the meantime, enjoy this one.